I am Iron Man...just incase you were wondering

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Ctrl Life

What if the world was like Photoshop? It would be a much better place. You can take food, copy, paste, and end world hunger! You can cut out weapons and end wars!

But aside from that boring crap...you can make your girlfriend (or boyfriend, or however you roll. I'm not here to judge. Oh wait. This is MY blog! I can judge all I want! Gay guys are disgusting...but lesbians are hot...unless its the type of lesbian that's a lesbian because she was a really fat ugly chick and no guy would want her so she became a lesbian and not many girls want her either but she is able to hook up with other fat-ugly-girls-turned-lesbian. So let me rephrase, when HOT girls are lesbians its hot. However, it is a shame. When I see hot girls making out, I think to myself, "I already have a very small amount of options...and there goes 2 more." You might need to re-read the top again to remember what this was originally about...I know I had to) a lot better looking. Or even better, you can remove your friends completely, and replace them with..hmmm...idk...Jessica Alba.

For example:

Over in this picture we have my friend Dan and I. Now, in Photoshopland, we can remove Dan...

...and insert the much more attractive and goddamn SEXY, Jessica Alba.

Doing bad in school? Copy, Paste someone smarter that you

Decided to shave but realized that you look like a fag? Pencil in a new mustache...or simply Undo.

Annoying kid that won't go away? Circle him, Select replacement pattern, and make him disappear.

I love technology!

Photoshop. Like Enzyte, but better!

It does boobs too!

Yo quiero Taco Bell!

This is what happens when you are a Spanish child and you go to an Asian barber to get your hair cut. Notice the uneven-ness of the hair is like "-v/\_-." When asked his for his own opinion about his hair, he responded "Yo soy un maricón!"

Translation: "My hair is uneven!"

However, his lover, like a good girlfriend, accepts him for who he is. She stated "Yo no soy capaz de amarlo más. Su cabello es demasiado repugnante."

Translation: "I care about what's on the inside. I will always love him."

Moral: "Es mejor haber amado y perdido, que para ser pegado con una puta para el resto de tu vida."

Translation: "Love conquers all."

Don't Play With Your Food!

Apple Computers...

There is just so much to say, and so much better things I could be doing, but I must write something. I need to provide some sort of entertainment for the poor mac users of the world. I know they have nothing better to do than to search the internet, looking for people insulting Macs, just so they can argue with them. Unfortunately, Mac users don't have much of a defense.

This is my favorite comment I made on a Mac user's Youtube comment:

Mac User: "you are just mad because you can afford to get a mac!!! MAC ARE THE BEST PERIOD, PC GO GET A VIRUS LOL "

Me: "Here's an analogy. The more girls you have sex with, the more likely you are to get a virus, all you need to have is some protection and you have nothing to worry about. However, Mac users, don't need to worry about viruses or protection, because they will go through life, as virgins."


Moral: Don't get a Mac. Wear a condom.

Hamburger Hellper...Spoonful

Hamburger Helper was invented as a way to make meals quickly. Unfortunately, what you gain in speed, you lose in actual taste.

Ingredients:

1. Some kind of pasta

2. Some kind of meat

3. Vomit

I know most of you are thinking that there is no way that is contains vomit, but ask yourself, can anything that tastes that bad not contain vomit?

What goes in must come out? I had one spoonful of Shit in a Box, and now i'm fighting to keep it down. By regurgitating, I am only supporting the Hamburger Helper company. It's an endless cycle.

1. Plate

2. Stomach

3. Toilet (or where ever your hurl hits)

4. Plate

5. Stomach

Better out than in.

Solitary Confinement

Solitaire. I'm sure everyone who owns a computer has played. Anyway, the computer CHEATS! I played Solitaire and it took 18 straight games until I won and then 6 more games until I won again. Now many of you may just say that I suck. Noramally, I'd agree, but Solitaire isn't even a game if skill! It's just putting the damn cards where ever they can go! And after like 30 seconds it says there are no possible moves left! Wtf? That's retarded. There really is only one way to play Solitaire. There is little variation on where the stupid cards can go.

Now I know there are probably some people with no lives that right now are like "he's dumb. I have never lost a game of Solitaire because I've mastered every possible strategy."

Well in response I must say:
You people are faggots! The reason you are so good at Solitaire is because you have no friends to play real card games with! You're fucking life is a game of Solitaire! You play with YOURSElF. Get a damn girlfriend.

Play a real game like minesweeper.
That's life or death shit right there!


Don't even get me started on Hearts...